Sometimes I feel like I am going in circles in life. Like the Isrealites when they had to go back around the mountain and through the dessert for ages and ages because they missed it. I am not feeling discouraged by this today because I can see so clearly the faithfulness of God to me that he will actually work with me until I actually get something. He won't just leave me as I am. If I need breakthrough in an area of life, He is committed to the process of seeing that breakthrough come to pass in my life. Sometimes I want to rush on through, or I can just feel like I am hitting my head against the same wall I've come up against a thousand times before.
But right now God has my attention.
I am recognizing that I have been here before, in similar circumstances with similar intensities and felt the same reactions in my heart and I am saying, " God, what do you want to speak to me right now? How do I need to respond differently this time? I don't want to miss what you are saying." I just feel that there is something different taking place.
What I am realizing is that God has newness for me; newness in my reactions, newness in my thinking and approaches to things, newness in my attitudes and intentions of my heart in situations, newness in relational depth, newness in my walk with Him, newness in serving. We can hear that 'God is making all things new' a lot in Christian spheres, so much so that we can almost wonder what exactly it means. Well, maybe not you but I have wondered what it means...
I am sensing that this time, for this season and in this location in the Body that I am in right now, God is bringing newness on all of these levels. A refinement of soul and spirit.
What I am trying to say is that
what has worked in the past is no longer working.
Any familiar response that I grew accustomed to having before God and before God's people, God is asking me for a more extravagant one, an unfamiliar one, a NEW one. The ways that we have conceptualized God and how the Holy Spirit moves are too narrow for the season we are now in and we have to accept this, we have to see it for ourselves that we NEED NEW THINGS! We NEED MORE OF GOD in ways that we have yet to know, and we will see things we have yet to see.
I am left with a reach in my spirit. There is a reach in my soul.
I am reaching for the more of God the Holy Spirit.
I am reaching for the new of God.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
gratitude.
i have so much to be grateful for.
this is a super challenging season of life. God is doing a lot in me. I am changing and it's very hard. but i need to keep gratitude on my lips and in my heart.
i started up the biblical counseling program i've been praying about doing for over 2 years now. it's great. i love it. i know God is going to use it in my own life to bring healing as well as equip me to do one of the things i am called to do in this life.
yesterday me and my hubby went shopping for boots and winter coats (it has been years since i've gotten a new winter coat, so, this was kind of exciting;)). i am amazed at the provision of God in our lives that we actually have money in our bank account to go buy the things we need. we are not extravagant people at all but we found ourselves overwhelmed by Gods faithfulness to us as we were in the mall. it sounds cheesy, i know, but Gods provision in our lives is very real and very evident to us and we can't overlook things like buying winter coats and boots! things like food in the kitchen and heat in these walls:) i am so content and so grateful for what our life looks like, even as every season changes. s
this is a bio my hubby wrote about our music. i think it's stellar! we call ourselves ivy thieves.
"Ivy Thieves are a husband and wife duo fusing the sounds of etherial rock with rootsy acoustic folk earthiness. Stories of the sky and stories of the soil are unpacked through the tight harmonies and intricate guitar work of this anglo-american pair. These are stories of life, love, trial and favor; hope, suffering and grace, written from the secret place of the heart. Ivy Thieves are a band who want to connect on more than an an audience/performer level; they want to invite you into their journey through vulnerability and engaging music and leave you with something more than a song. "
i love my husbands ability to write. it is just one of his many gifts that God has given him:) i love working on music with him. it's been pretty stagnant but a few shows are coming up and i so enjoy crafting our sound with him. he is so creative.
super challenging season. i think the last 2 years has taken more of a tole on me than i realised. just yesterday some clarity was brought to my situation. i see very clearly that physical healing and emotional healing are two separate things, especially in regards to a trauma. yeesh.
alright, it's been real.
over and out.
Monday, July 16, 2012
stirred.
i am feeling very stirred up today. last week was pretty hard for me to get through but i am feeling a renewed sense of freedom coming to my life and God is bringing definition to certain things.
i began to read another book all about being an introvert. i have struggled so much with who i am and why and i felt God speaking to me this weekend that he is taking me on a discovery process and has a lot to reveal to me about myself, things that i have never even known about myself and his intention for my life and my role or function in the earth.
i felt so overwhelmed that God wanted to speak to me about myself. i feel like i have not gone there with Him in such a long time; i've been so bitter and hard in heart for various reasons and the intimacy with God has just been lacking on my part. he has never left me but i have not always wanted to acknowledge that he was there. but why wouldn't God want to speak to me about myself?! He cares about every aspect of my life, every detail and he is sovereign over my life with such care. of course he has a lot to say about me and i ought to
incline my ear to listen.
a few months ago i remember crying out to God to explain to me why he made me the way that he did. i just did not see the benefit of being me, what his intention was in my life, how he wanted to use me, where i fit into my Church body or even my family. you see, the accident spiraled me into the biggest identity crises of my life.
i forgot about asking God to show me these things until last night. then it dawned on me that God is responding to my request, he heard my cry!
there are a few things i want to be sure to clarify: God is not speaking to me about myself to coddle my insecurities or make me feel better about myself; he is not responding to a pity party. He is wanting to speak clearly to me about where true security lies to set me free from the lies i have been believing about myself. God is a God who loves to prove himself and he is coming into my life right now in a deeper way to establish something into my character, to prove that his terms trump all earthly terms and i should listen to him over every other voice. God is more about instilling his character in to my heart than just making me feel better. and with that said, it's time for me to grow up.
i am expecting challenge and growth as God speaks to me. i am expecting gentleness, tender care and loving correction. i am eager for this process to get underway because i know it is good for me. God knows what is best for me.
this season is packed full of riches, i can just feel it. riches in God.
i began to read another book all about being an introvert. i have struggled so much with who i am and why and i felt God speaking to me this weekend that he is taking me on a discovery process and has a lot to reveal to me about myself, things that i have never even known about myself and his intention for my life and my role or function in the earth.
i felt so overwhelmed that God wanted to speak to me about myself. i feel like i have not gone there with Him in such a long time; i've been so bitter and hard in heart for various reasons and the intimacy with God has just been lacking on my part. he has never left me but i have not always wanted to acknowledge that he was there. but why wouldn't God want to speak to me about myself?! He cares about every aspect of my life, every detail and he is sovereign over my life with such care. of course he has a lot to say about me and i ought to
incline my ear to listen.
a few months ago i remember crying out to God to explain to me why he made me the way that he did. i just did not see the benefit of being me, what his intention was in my life, how he wanted to use me, where i fit into my Church body or even my family. you see, the accident spiraled me into the biggest identity crises of my life.
i forgot about asking God to show me these things until last night. then it dawned on me that God is responding to my request, he heard my cry!
there are a few things i want to be sure to clarify: God is not speaking to me about myself to coddle my insecurities or make me feel better about myself; he is not responding to a pity party. He is wanting to speak clearly to me about where true security lies to set me free from the lies i have been believing about myself. God is a God who loves to prove himself and he is coming into my life right now in a deeper way to establish something into my character, to prove that his terms trump all earthly terms and i should listen to him over every other voice. God is more about instilling his character in to my heart than just making me feel better. and with that said, it's time for me to grow up.
i am expecting challenge and growth as God speaks to me. i am expecting gentleness, tender care and loving correction. i am eager for this process to get underway because i know it is good for me. God knows what is best for me.
this season is packed full of riches, i can just feel it. riches in God.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
oh me, oh my.
lately. lately i have been pondering a lot of things and acquiring a focus i have lacked for a while. a certain book has been helping me re-evaluate pretty much every facet of my life; time, money, emotions and relationships. i feel a clarity of life-focus coming that i am not sure that i have had before. i have always been ultra intense, passionate and zealous, but that's not what all that is going on right now is about. i cannot just be intense, driven, zealous and passionate. i have to be balanced: i have to be gentle, soft, merciful and humble before God and man. zeal without character does not really impress me anymore and i wonder why i ever thought it impressed God or anyone else, for that matter. of course, back in my zeal i did not know i lacked character.
i was sincere in my love for God but it only looked a certain way in that season: alone-ness, fasting, worship music 24/7, memorizing scripture, reading the word and christian books in every free moment, missions, worship songs,deep introspection, long hours of intercession, depth of burdens for the worlds issues, hunger for God. i was always hungry for more of God. also, depression, anxiety, self-righteousness and judgement of everyone who lived differently than i did or related to God in a 'lesser' way. this is what i once looked like.
God is doing something in me right now, and has been since the accident almost 2 years ago, that will change/is changing how i live my life. i have had such a hard time reconciling how my life has looked these last 2 years since the accident to how it looked before the accident.
i have felt stuck or like an incomplete person with my life looking so different now: i am married now, with a husband who hears God in completely different ways than i do and i have had to learn not to project my ways onto him and trust his walk with God even though it is entirely different. different is not wrong.
my problem is that i will shy away from being all about something if i am not sure that i am 100% right about it; i want to be secure in knowledge before i make a decision and i can just think myself into a corner if i am insecure in my knowledge. also, with the whole knowledge thing, i can think i am better than everyone else, which is pride. so, in this process of searching these things out, wanting to be right and wanting to be humble, i have not been writing or talking much to anyone because there is a re-definition in process and i need to allow God to do this thorough work, uninterrupted by my judgmental thoughts and attitudes. it's been challenging and that's why i have not written much or talked much; i feel my pride being challenged, my way of learning and even my value of knowledge being challenged by God himself. ultimately, i feel humiliated at my approach to things by God; humility comes through humiliation. that is something the pastor at the church i used to attend would always say: humility comes by humiliation. he said it allllll the time and i didn't understand why. now, 6 years later, i think i am beginning to understand.
my approach to life and God before was not wrong, it was just imbalanced and i am seeing that i need other things, like, the church, the people of God speaking into my life and the Word to balance out the way i am wired. i think this is pretty much true for everyone: we need balance and to get balance we need to be around people that are not like us.
this is not succinct or clearly written in my mind, but i feel the same way about this process i have been in for the last 2 years or so. it's a long and messy labor of love. i am glad God is the one overseeing this whole thing because he is the author and perfecter. i actually cannot believe i am going to publish this post because it is so incomplete in my eyes, like this process i am in. but i am learning to have grace for myself in this place as God does.
i was sincere in my love for God but it only looked a certain way in that season: alone-ness, fasting, worship music 24/7, memorizing scripture, reading the word and christian books in every free moment, missions, worship songs,deep introspection, long hours of intercession, depth of burdens for the worlds issues, hunger for God. i was always hungry for more of God. also, depression, anxiety, self-righteousness and judgement of everyone who lived differently than i did or related to God in a 'lesser' way. this is what i once looked like.
God is doing something in me right now, and has been since the accident almost 2 years ago, that will change/is changing how i live my life. i have had such a hard time reconciling how my life has looked these last 2 years since the accident to how it looked before the accident.
i have felt stuck or like an incomplete person with my life looking so different now: i am married now, with a husband who hears God in completely different ways than i do and i have had to learn not to project my ways onto him and trust his walk with God even though it is entirely different. different is not wrong.
my problem is that i will shy away from being all about something if i am not sure that i am 100% right about it; i want to be secure in knowledge before i make a decision and i can just think myself into a corner if i am insecure in my knowledge. also, with the whole knowledge thing, i can think i am better than everyone else, which is pride. so, in this process of searching these things out, wanting to be right and wanting to be humble, i have not been writing or talking much to anyone because there is a re-definition in process and i need to allow God to do this thorough work, uninterrupted by my judgmental thoughts and attitudes. it's been challenging and that's why i have not written much or talked much; i feel my pride being challenged, my way of learning and even my value of knowledge being challenged by God himself. ultimately, i feel humiliated at my approach to things by God; humility comes through humiliation. that is something the pastor at the church i used to attend would always say: humility comes by humiliation. he said it allllll the time and i didn't understand why. now, 6 years later, i think i am beginning to understand.
my approach to life and God before was not wrong, it was just imbalanced and i am seeing that i need other things, like, the church, the people of God speaking into my life and the Word to balance out the way i am wired. i think this is pretty much true for everyone: we need balance and to get balance we need to be around people that are not like us.
this is not succinct or clearly written in my mind, but i feel the same way about this process i have been in for the last 2 years or so. it's a long and messy labor of love. i am glad God is the one overseeing this whole thing because he is the author and perfecter. i actually cannot believe i am going to publish this post because it is so incomplete in my eyes, like this process i am in. but i am learning to have grace for myself in this place as God does.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
excitement.
i am excited!
my hubby and i worked out our final song today for the show on monday. and started coming up with our extended set list for the grand opening of the community center which is next saturday. we get an even longer set for that!
i recently received a prophetic word about my life being made for more than just the arts; to God, i am much more than an artist and that is not the only sphere i am supposed to function in. in light of this very specific word, i feel a weight as matt and i finally begin to pursue music knowing it is not supposed to be the only thing going in my life. i used to always think that it would be, and i know we are good enough to go after it. but God's will is ultimately what we are both after so i am truly seeking to have a balanced and rendered heart as i learn how to dream in God about my life and future with my husband on this earth.
you see, dreaming is an odd thing for me lately. being married, i don't know exactly what shifts take place in a woman's heart, but i know that there has been a lot of shifting in my heart and i don't want to step out of line or be so narrow minded in my dreams and vision for how i want my life to play out. there is nothing that i want to cling tightly to, nothing at all, not even music. i always clung to my dreams of music so tightly and it was folly. whenever anyone clings to anything that is not God himself, it is folly. our hearts aren't made for those lesser lovers. my heart isn't made for those lesser lovers.
so, in seeing that God is the better lover, the best actually, i have found that my heart for music is barely there, which is strange for me because in the past i have been such an all or nothing person; i have been all about specific things and in my zeal and passion i have made those around me all about it too. i'm good at that, getting people excited. but something is different; i think it's the shifts i a fore mentioned; the core of my being has moved and settled into a position that is immovable and has been placed upon something rock solid.
it's cool, actually, to recognize these shifts, even though i am clearly struggling to adequately or accurately describe them with words. that's another thing i used to be so good at; expression. now i don't really mind being unable to express myself in a moment because i am secure in God and the reasons i was confident in expressing myself before were all selfish reasons anyway. yet another shift in my heart;)
so, as we step out in faith and are faithful with what is put before us with music in these coming months, we know that it is not all that there is for us in this lifetime. and that is where my excitement is coming from;) i know that any involvement in worship music is an act of service and pouring my life out and any involvement in 'performing', as it were, is a stewarding of the talents God's placed in my hands; both are stewardship actually.
i love the definition God is bringing to my life; we do things his way and on his terms, not my way on my terms. thank the Lord! just letting you all know that my heart was NOT in this place 3 years ago when i first came to kenosha and started attending living light. seriously, God has done an overhaul in me! and i love it:) i love HIM!
are there areas in your life that you know you need to allow the Lord access but are hesitating because you know there will be an overhaul??? trust me, it's better to allow him access because he wants what is best for you anyway! HE IS TRUSTWORTHY!
love,
bethany belisa
my hubby and i worked out our final song today for the show on monday. and started coming up with our extended set list for the grand opening of the community center which is next saturday. we get an even longer set for that!
i recently received a prophetic word about my life being made for more than just the arts; to God, i am much more than an artist and that is not the only sphere i am supposed to function in. in light of this very specific word, i feel a weight as matt and i finally begin to pursue music knowing it is not supposed to be the only thing going in my life. i used to always think that it would be, and i know we are good enough to go after it. but God's will is ultimately what we are both after so i am truly seeking to have a balanced and rendered heart as i learn how to dream in God about my life and future with my husband on this earth.
you see, dreaming is an odd thing for me lately. being married, i don't know exactly what shifts take place in a woman's heart, but i know that there has been a lot of shifting in my heart and i don't want to step out of line or be so narrow minded in my dreams and vision for how i want my life to play out. there is nothing that i want to cling tightly to, nothing at all, not even music. i always clung to my dreams of music so tightly and it was folly. whenever anyone clings to anything that is not God himself, it is folly. our hearts aren't made for those lesser lovers. my heart isn't made for those lesser lovers.
so, in seeing that God is the better lover, the best actually, i have found that my heart for music is barely there, which is strange for me because in the past i have been such an all or nothing person; i have been all about specific things and in my zeal and passion i have made those around me all about it too. i'm good at that, getting people excited. but something is different; i think it's the shifts i a fore mentioned; the core of my being has moved and settled into a position that is immovable and has been placed upon something rock solid.
it's cool, actually, to recognize these shifts, even though i am clearly struggling to adequately or accurately describe them with words. that's another thing i used to be so good at; expression. now i don't really mind being unable to express myself in a moment because i am secure in God and the reasons i was confident in expressing myself before were all selfish reasons anyway. yet another shift in my heart;)
so, as we step out in faith and are faithful with what is put before us with music in these coming months, we know that it is not all that there is for us in this lifetime. and that is where my excitement is coming from;) i know that any involvement in worship music is an act of service and pouring my life out and any involvement in 'performing', as it were, is a stewarding of the talents God's placed in my hands; both are stewardship actually.
i love the definition God is bringing to my life; we do things his way and on his terms, not my way on my terms. thank the Lord! just letting you all know that my heart was NOT in this place 3 years ago when i first came to kenosha and started attending living light. seriously, God has done an overhaul in me! and i love it:) i love HIM!
are there areas in your life that you know you need to allow the Lord access but are hesitating because you know there will be an overhaul??? trust me, it's better to allow him access because he wants what is best for you anyway! HE IS TRUSTWORTHY!
love,
bethany belisa
Friday, April 27, 2012
learning.
i love learning!
and it's a good thing, too, because i feel that i have a lot to learn in this season of life that i am in.
one thing major i am learning is how to be a team player. my hubby and i are being very committed to practicing together because our very first show is coming up (which i've mentioned in previous posts) but there is a lot of patience and flexibility that is required when writing music or working creatively with another person. you see, musicians can be pretty set on their own ideas and therefore, pretty temperamental when it comes to any other idea being shared while songwriting/crafting a song. there is a process of getting used to how the other person thinks, understanding how they want to communicate their music and why, how they play their instrument and why, etc. it's a lengthy process, actually, but matt and i are doing pretty well. i think we have settled on a sound that we both like and are comfortable with.
you see, i tend to write (lately) very folk style music on the guitar. i typically write (in the past) very pop/rock-driven or ballad type songs on the piano. i guess there have been phases in my songwriting; after all, i have been making up my own stuff since i was a little girl. i am big on rhyme in my lyrics and i love pretty, flowing melodies that soar and express in raw emotive ways.
now matt, on the other hand, was in a rock band in england for 6 years. yea, he's good. really, really good;) and so stinkin' creative when it comes to color parts on the guitar or piano and arranging the song once it's done. he likes edgy sounds, atmospheric sound-scapes that he can create with all of his tech-y guitar gear. he likes big sounds and big vocals. he is a great singer too.
we are learning how to blend our two completely different stylistic leanings and tendencies together. it's fun. :)
we have to learn and respect what we each are good at, what our strengths are and allow each other to function within those strengths and also be actively supportive and drawing those strengths out of each other.
i always prayed for a man that would be my team-mate. i didn't want to lead such separated lives and only have a few things in common. i wanted to do pretty much everything together, and look, God gave me a crazy-sick musician husband! YAY! we do pretty much do everything together. we are a team:) it's just, sometimes, something you have to learn how to be and we are learning to be a team in music.
go team gainsford!
that is just ONE of the things i am learning at present.
what are YOU learning?
love,
bethany
and it's a good thing, too, because i feel that i have a lot to learn in this season of life that i am in.
one thing major i am learning is how to be a team player. my hubby and i are being very committed to practicing together because our very first show is coming up (which i've mentioned in previous posts) but there is a lot of patience and flexibility that is required when writing music or working creatively with another person. you see, musicians can be pretty set on their own ideas and therefore, pretty temperamental when it comes to any other idea being shared while songwriting/crafting a song. there is a process of getting used to how the other person thinks, understanding how they want to communicate their music and why, how they play their instrument and why, etc. it's a lengthy process, actually, but matt and i are doing pretty well. i think we have settled on a sound that we both like and are comfortable with.
you see, i tend to write (lately) very folk style music on the guitar. i typically write (in the past) very pop/rock-driven or ballad type songs on the piano. i guess there have been phases in my songwriting; after all, i have been making up my own stuff since i was a little girl. i am big on rhyme in my lyrics and i love pretty, flowing melodies that soar and express in raw emotive ways.
now matt, on the other hand, was in a rock band in england for 6 years. yea, he's good. really, really good;) and so stinkin' creative when it comes to color parts on the guitar or piano and arranging the song once it's done. he likes edgy sounds, atmospheric sound-scapes that he can create with all of his tech-y guitar gear. he likes big sounds and big vocals. he is a great singer too.
we are learning how to blend our two completely different stylistic leanings and tendencies together. it's fun. :)
we have to learn and respect what we each are good at, what our strengths are and allow each other to function within those strengths and also be actively supportive and drawing those strengths out of each other.
i always prayed for a man that would be my team-mate. i didn't want to lead such separated lives and only have a few things in common. i wanted to do pretty much everything together, and look, God gave me a crazy-sick musician husband! YAY! we do pretty much do everything together. we are a team:) it's just, sometimes, something you have to learn how to be and we are learning to be a team in music.
go team gainsford!
that is just ONE of the things i am learning at present.
what are YOU learning?
love,
bethany
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
enjoyment.
i really, really enjoy life. really. my life is beautiful! i feel i have been given incredible gifts to enjoy and i want to be diligent to actually do so. i can be too serious at times and i rob myself of the joy life is meant to be.
i cherish experiences and love tangible things i can touch and smell and see and hear.
today i am experiencing jane eyre;) i LOVE this book and am enjoying the beauty of the written word in old english; i just love it! the purity and accuracy of descriptions and emotions! it's so eloquent!
i just experienced purchasing my very first workbook for a counseling course i am going to take. i am very nervous and feel a weightiness because i actually know that this is something the Lord has spoken to me to pursue in this lifetime. it is the beginning of something. beginnings are a whole raw and unfamiliar experience; i do not know how this will all flesh out. i don't know if i will actually become a counselor and have that as my career or not. i do know, however, that as i go through this course God is going to be working on a bajillion things in my character. part of me does NOT feel ready for this because i know the preparation phase of something is the hardest part and demands the most hard work and perseverance because you don't know how it's going to go. i am anticipating a pretty intense season as i dive into this.
and of course, this morning i experienced and enjoyed a blissful cup of coffee while sitting next to my husband. i LOVE my morning coffee!
i am honestly NOT looking forward to experiencing my run this afternoon. it's gunna' be a real push for me to run at all today! sometimes i wonder why i even exercise. i used to freakin' love it! maybe i will one day reach that point again.
there have been some major shifts of direction in these last few weeks, so, within these transitions i know i need to focus on what's around me and learn to enjoy the here and now, the things that God has put before me to do in this season of life. it's not easy but i want to get better and better at it over these next few months; that's why i said i want to be diligent to enjoy life. if i focus on what i am not doing, i will miss everything that is right in front of me, even my friends and my marriage.
love,
bethany
i cherish experiences and love tangible things i can touch and smell and see and hear.
today i am experiencing jane eyre;) i LOVE this book and am enjoying the beauty of the written word in old english; i just love it! the purity and accuracy of descriptions and emotions! it's so eloquent!
i just experienced purchasing my very first workbook for a counseling course i am going to take. i am very nervous and feel a weightiness because i actually know that this is something the Lord has spoken to me to pursue in this lifetime. it is the beginning of something. beginnings are a whole raw and unfamiliar experience; i do not know how this will all flesh out. i don't know if i will actually become a counselor and have that as my career or not. i do know, however, that as i go through this course God is going to be working on a bajillion things in my character. part of me does NOT feel ready for this because i know the preparation phase of something is the hardest part and demands the most hard work and perseverance because you don't know how it's going to go. i am anticipating a pretty intense season as i dive into this.
and of course, this morning i experienced and enjoyed a blissful cup of coffee while sitting next to my husband. i LOVE my morning coffee!
i am honestly NOT looking forward to experiencing my run this afternoon. it's gunna' be a real push for me to run at all today! sometimes i wonder why i even exercise. i used to freakin' love it! maybe i will one day reach that point again.
there have been some major shifts of direction in these last few weeks, so, within these transitions i know i need to focus on what's around me and learn to enjoy the here and now, the things that God has put before me to do in this season of life. it's not easy but i want to get better and better at it over these next few months; that's why i said i want to be diligent to enjoy life. if i focus on what i am not doing, i will miss everything that is right in front of me, even my friends and my marriage.
i put this picture of chocolates up because i REALLY ENJOY CHOCOLATE!!!! :D
there is so much to enjoy in life.
what do you need to learn to enjoy in yours?
love,
bethany
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
helpful advice for creatives.
http://vimeo.com/24715531
this is a short and sweet little session and i feel like this guy is speaking straight to me today! i mean, i know some of my songs are good, some are better, but they aren't GREAT. i have a lot of work to do and a long way to go. and i need to keep working.
just.
keep.
working.
listen to this video!
and whatever you do, don't stop being creative.
love,
bethany
this is a short and sweet little session and i feel like this guy is speaking straight to me today! i mean, i know some of my songs are good, some are better, but they aren't GREAT. i have a lot of work to do and a long way to go. and i need to keep working.
just.
keep.
working.
listen to this video!
and whatever you do, don't stop being creative.
love,
bethany
Monday, April 16, 2012
recluse.
i feel like a recluse today. if i were truly reclusive, i would not be blogging. but, this is about as much social interaction as i desire today. ha!
it's windy out and i am still in my pj's, not wanting to brave the elements and run errands. i feel like it's a good day for an evaluation of my life's priorities or something.
one thing i am thinking about today is how i am such a pro at taking myself too seriously. that's why i don't write on here half the time! geeze, i've got problems. i was sifting through my old xanga (yes, i had a xanga and i kept at that for 7 years!) my word, i wrote in that thing alllll the time! i need to quit this whole 'i'm so serious' thing. it's pretty annoying. i was primarily looking through my xanga because i was digging up some old song lyrics i knew i had posted on there years ago.
but it led me to be so grateful for how my life has turned out! honestly, God is so faithful. i say 'turned out' as if my life is randomly just good now. but, that's not what i mean. i have come to see that nothing in the kingdom of God is random. i am humbled as i look back on all the different seasons so far in my short 26 years on this earth and the beautiful orchestration of the hand of God in every season of my life and all that he has allowed or ordained. it's just awesome!
i think i have been taking myself too seriously because i am a part of a church that is so solid doctrinaly and i don't want anything to be theologically off. and God has shifted so much of my thinking that i often think i could, in a moment, revert back to the ways i used to think and write from that place. but, i just have to come to terms with the places i have been and the way that God has used all things for my good because i love him.
that's kind of a huge relief!
a few things i am excited for this week:
- me and my hubbies up coming show
- finding the right paint color for my 'accent wall' in my living room
- reading the next few chapters of jane eyre for book club (how have i never been in a book club before?!)
- learning how to make origami butterflies!
love,
bethanybelisa
it's windy out and i am still in my pj's, not wanting to brave the elements and run errands. i feel like it's a good day for an evaluation of my life's priorities or something.
one thing i am thinking about today is how i am such a pro at taking myself too seriously. that's why i don't write on here half the time! geeze, i've got problems. i was sifting through my old xanga (yes, i had a xanga and i kept at that for 7 years!) my word, i wrote in that thing alllll the time! i need to quit this whole 'i'm so serious' thing. it's pretty annoying. i was primarily looking through my xanga because i was digging up some old song lyrics i knew i had posted on there years ago.
but it led me to be so grateful for how my life has turned out! honestly, God is so faithful. i say 'turned out' as if my life is randomly just good now. but, that's not what i mean. i have come to see that nothing in the kingdom of God is random. i am humbled as i look back on all the different seasons so far in my short 26 years on this earth and the beautiful orchestration of the hand of God in every season of my life and all that he has allowed or ordained. it's just awesome!
i think i have been taking myself too seriously because i am a part of a church that is so solid doctrinaly and i don't want anything to be theologically off. and God has shifted so much of my thinking that i often think i could, in a moment, revert back to the ways i used to think and write from that place. but, i just have to come to terms with the places i have been and the way that God has used all things for my good because i love him.
that's kind of a huge relief!
a few things i am excited for this week:
- me and my hubbies up coming show
- finding the right paint color for my 'accent wall' in my living room
- reading the next few chapters of jane eyre for book club (how have i never been in a book club before?!)
- learning how to make origami butterflies!
love,
bethanybelisa
Sunday, April 15, 2012
songwriting. lalala. ;)
Today my honey and i are working on a set for our VERY FIRST SHOW TOGETHER EVER IN THE HISTORY OF OUR LIVES!!!! EEK! we have 15 days 'till the show. it's going to be great!
if you couldn't tell, i am a tad bit excited;)
here is a sneak peak: some lyrics i wrote for matt last fall.
if you couldn't tell, i am a tad bit excited;)
here is a sneak peak: some lyrics i wrote for matt last fall.
WHY
10/10
I know that I let you down
It wont keep you from coming ‘round
I know that’s you’ll let me down
But I will keep in this love we’ve found
Yes, I will keep in this love we’ve found
It won’t always be so hard
Believe that this is only a season
Hold onto hope within your heart
Someday we may see the reason
Someday we may see the reason
Why, why, why, why
Why, why, why
Someday we may see the reason
Someday we may see the reason why
this song is really folksy, which i love and is how i write a lot lately. really excited to be arranging it with my love and singing it with him.
we know that music is part of our calling but it's not about us. we won't move forward unless we know God's hand is on it because anything we do in our own strength will just fall to the ground. so, unless God builds this house, it will not stand! (i LOVE the Word of God!) i have not wanted to ever pursue it before because i have not known peace in my heart. but now, being married to my perfect counter-part, i know a rightness in things. ahhh, the peace of God that calms our human hearts and wandering minds! AND the perfect timing of God. sometimes there just needs to be ONE THING put into place but that one thing might take a bazillion years to shift, but once it does, the timing is right and what you've been waiting for can finally happen. what a great God to be so perfect in his sovereignty and ordinance of our lives.
;)
love,
bethany belisa
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Living for...
Eternity!
This is something I have been mulling over in my spirit for a while. Some of these thoughts are from my journal.
"Eternity is no place for struggle. The things that compete for our attention now have no place in eternity. Desperation for eternal perspective has to come to the people of God. We can become so complacent in the things of the Spirit but there is so much more for right now! MORE NOW! ETERNITY IS NOW! There is grace to forsake struggle right now because none of these things hold a candle to Jesus.
Fasting and prayer: Jesus is worthy of us having no distractions! Our decisions are not inconsequential. The fruit of these decisions is fruit and greater awareness of the Holy Spirit. We choose to lose fruit in our lives when we ignore the grace given to us to live victorious lives.
This IS an adventure to us, but not to God, as in, He is sovereign over all things; nothing surprises Him! All of this uncharted territory we are walking in is new to us but it is not unfamiliar to God. ' Come up here, see what I see!' God is calling out to us to receive his sight, which is a new level of sight for us. Peace in chaos stems from this sight. A strong identity in an insecure world comes from this sight."
We can ask for his perspective and believe His word that says when we sow in the Spirit, we will reap in the spirit. We can believe that when we obey commands to fast and pray in the secret place, that it is productive by the Holy Spirit within us! HE is producing in US eternal things, including eternal perspective.
This is so encouraging!
Love,
Bethany
This is something I have been mulling over in my spirit for a while. Some of these thoughts are from my journal."Eternity is no place for struggle. The things that compete for our attention now have no place in eternity. Desperation for eternal perspective has to come to the people of God. We can become so complacent in the things of the Spirit but there is so much more for right now! MORE NOW! ETERNITY IS NOW! There is grace to forsake struggle right now because none of these things hold a candle to Jesus.
Fasting and prayer: Jesus is worthy of us having no distractions! Our decisions are not inconsequential. The fruit of these decisions is fruit and greater awareness of the Holy Spirit. We choose to lose fruit in our lives when we ignore the grace given to us to live victorious lives.
This IS an adventure to us, but not to God, as in, He is sovereign over all things; nothing surprises Him! All of this uncharted territory we are walking in is new to us but it is not unfamiliar to God. ' Come up here, see what I see!' God is calling out to us to receive his sight, which is a new level of sight for us. Peace in chaos stems from this sight. A strong identity in an insecure world comes from this sight."
We can ask for his perspective and believe His word that says when we sow in the Spirit, we will reap in the spirit. We can believe that when we obey commands to fast and pray in the secret place, that it is productive by the Holy Spirit within us! HE is producing in US eternal things, including eternal perspective.
This is so encouraging!
Love,
Bethany
Monday, March 5, 2012
Thankfulness list: 50 things
So, last night my hubby told me I should take the time today to write a thankfulness list. He told me to think of and write down 50 things I am thankful for. Last night I was not having a great night. I was comparing myself with other people, doubting my gifting and ability; it just wasn't good. He told me that gratitude will be my weapon when it comes to my insecurities; getting my eyes off of myself and onto God and all he has
done.
So, today, I took my husband's advice and came up with 50 things I am thankful for. Let me tell you, I feel great! I feel so full of joy and I have a grateful heart for all of the things on this list, big and small. Thankfulness IS a powerful tool against our enemy who is trying to distract us all the time. THIS is a great way to spend a chunk of time, to re-focus, to just tell God all the things you are thankful for. My heart changed in about an hours time, being given to getting my eyes off of myself and onto HIM! I will type up my list so you can read it.
done.
So, today, I took my husband's advice and came up with 50 things I am thankful for. Let me tell you, I feel great! I feel so full of joy and I have a grateful heart for all of the things on this list, big and small. Thankfulness IS a powerful tool against our enemy who is trying to distract us all the time. THIS is a great way to spend a chunk of time, to re-focus, to just tell God all the things you are thankful for. My heart changed in about an hours time, being given to getting my eyes off of myself and onto HIM! I will type up my list so you can read it.
- a warm house
- food to eat everyday
- a loving and gracious husband
- great in-laws
- great parents
- great siblings
- technology-to keep in touch with people
- my relationship with God
- 2 part time jobs
- a great worship team
- humble leaders
- a thriving Church: Awesome home group!
- enough clothes
- vision
- worship music: the whole idea of songs to God!
- pianos
- summer-time heat
- memories
- adventure
20. chicago: what a place!
21. coffee
22. bodies of water
23. air planes
24. weddings
25. make up
26. a washer and dryer in our basement
27. my ability to still run
28. the Bible
29. day planners
30. sticky notes
31. concerts
32. blogs
33. sermons
34. sunlight
35. books
36. my engagement ring
37. great friendships
38. education
39. wise counsel
40. laughter
41. great neighborhood
42. having a voice so that i can sing to God
43. responsibility
44. emotions
45. our car
46. chocolate
47. taste buds
48. fragrance : spring time air! NOT gallons of perfume! :)
49. warm greetings: hugs and smiles
50. a good pair of winter mittens
there you have it! my thankfulness list! it is a great discipline if you are just in a negative place and you can't see the good.
happy listing!
love,
bethany
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
I am really moved lately...
the covenant of marriage i have entered into with my husband has more depth than i realize. there is so much in marriage that reflects the love of God with his Church and i am just beside myself. i am crying out for revelation, for these great depths to be opened up to my understanding, for me to know something greater of the heart of God towards us, His Bride.
i feel a love for her. there is a change in myself that i am noticing more and more lately. as i pick up on things that are harmful to the people of God, whether from persecution or from within the Body, things that cause division are breaking my heart in a different way than they have done in the past. in the past i have longed for quick justice to come on whoever was causing the harm. i wouldn't mind to be the one to administer justice and i didn't care very much if i was helpful or confronted the person/people in love.
now i am very concerned for the person/people that are causing harm. i feel a need to pray and think very carefully before i open my mouth, before i speak up. i want my motives to be right, i want to know i have the heart of God in what i am thinking and mostly, i want the humility of Jesus and teach-ability as i move forward knowing that i, also, only see in part. it's just so different to how i used to handle things of this nature.
going to the Living Light marriage conference this past weekend was just incredible. i believe in the power of God within us and that that is the true hope for change. we cannot change our marriages; we can change ourselves. Christ within us is our hope of glory. He is our hope for a glorious marriage. i really do long for a God-glorifying marriage. i believe for it as well, which is the key. this is about our faith and our faith really rests on what we think. our belief is all wrapped up in how we think and to change behavior, we have to get to the root of our behavior, our thoughts.
i feel so challenged and humbled by this and ready to change. and i am starting to see these little changes, which, in the scheme of my life, are a big deal! i can see that these ways i have changed that may seem 'little' were once all wrapped up in me believing the wrong thing about God, myself or Christianity! NO MORE STINKIN' THINKIN'! (sorry, i couldn't resist...)
honestly, as i poor over God's Word i ask for new revelation, i ask to be led into all truth knowing that Christ in me, Holy Spirit will illuminate His truth and bring it to life within my heart and mind. and as i am given to these truths, i will be changed. also, i am coming to realize that the intimacy i have been crying out for for so long, the more of God that i have been aching for, the cries from my heart to Him for his voice to be more real to me, his presence more near, it is happening in my life right now.
i serve a God who hears and a God who speaks.
this may seem disconnected, but to me, it is all connected. i am seeing that GOD is truly the author and perfecter of my faith and i am so encouraged that he is allowing me to see some of these changes in myself that HE has brought about in my life. and He is so patient with me! so, so patient! even when we have to go back around the mountain again because i missed the lesson he wanted me to get the first time. God is producing these desires within me to love better, in my marriage, in the Church and in the world. i have not made these changes; it has never been a matter of will power that taught me how to love better but God himself within me.
i feel a love for her. there is a change in myself that i am noticing more and more lately. as i pick up on things that are harmful to the people of God, whether from persecution or from within the Body, things that cause division are breaking my heart in a different way than they have done in the past. in the past i have longed for quick justice to come on whoever was causing the harm. i wouldn't mind to be the one to administer justice and i didn't care very much if i was helpful or confronted the person/people in love.
now i am very concerned for the person/people that are causing harm. i feel a need to pray and think very carefully before i open my mouth, before i speak up. i want my motives to be right, i want to know i have the heart of God in what i am thinking and mostly, i want the humility of Jesus and teach-ability as i move forward knowing that i, also, only see in part. it's just so different to how i used to handle things of this nature.
going to the Living Light marriage conference this past weekend was just incredible. i believe in the power of God within us and that that is the true hope for change. we cannot change our marriages; we can change ourselves. Christ within us is our hope of glory. He is our hope for a glorious marriage. i really do long for a God-glorifying marriage. i believe for it as well, which is the key. this is about our faith and our faith really rests on what we think. our belief is all wrapped up in how we think and to change behavior, we have to get to the root of our behavior, our thoughts.
i feel so challenged and humbled by this and ready to change. and i am starting to see these little changes, which, in the scheme of my life, are a big deal! i can see that these ways i have changed that may seem 'little' were once all wrapped up in me believing the wrong thing about God, myself or Christianity! NO MORE STINKIN' THINKIN'! (sorry, i couldn't resist...)
honestly, as i poor over God's Word i ask for new revelation, i ask to be led into all truth knowing that Christ in me, Holy Spirit will illuminate His truth and bring it to life within my heart and mind. and as i am given to these truths, i will be changed. also, i am coming to realize that the intimacy i have been crying out for for so long, the more of God that i have been aching for, the cries from my heart to Him for his voice to be more real to me, his presence more near, it is happening in my life right now.
and i am so grateful and humbled by God's faithfulness to me.
i serve a God who hears and a God who speaks.
this may seem disconnected, but to me, it is all connected. i am seeing that GOD is truly the author and perfecter of my faith and i am so encouraged that he is allowing me to see some of these changes in myself that HE has brought about in my life. and He is so patient with me! so, so patient! even when we have to go back around the mountain again because i missed the lesson he wanted me to get the first time. God is producing these desires within me to love better, in my marriage, in the Church and in the world. i have not made these changes; it has never been a matter of will power that taught me how to love better but God himself within me.
He is my hope of glory!
Friday, February 17, 2012
i don't know what to do...
have you ever had those weeks where you feel aimless, more or less? you are where you know you are meant to be, you are with the people you know you are meant to be with and yet there is just a sudden confusion or dis-oriented sense that hits you like a train? i am in this place and it's a real challenge.
so far my response has been just asking God to keep my heart pure and to keep me focused on His beautiful face and love. i don't want to lose my thankful heart because of this strange time. i don't want to become embittered.
so, as i wade through this, i am open to all God wants to teach me. if i don't remain open in this then i will miss the lessons and God will have to bring me back here again because i missed the lessons. think of Israel wandering in the desert; they missed the lessons again and again. i don't want to be like the Israelite's.
i want an open heart; i want eyes to see and ears to hear what the Spirit is saying.
has anyone else experienced this recently, like, out of nowhere?
i think a tactic of the enemy here is to throw us off track, for us to panic. for us to just suddenly feel a lack of vision or knowledge of what we are doing, we can become unproductive people. but we must keep seeking God, keep our eyes fixed, our hope always on the unseen.
if this is the hand of God doing this he is either re-directing something within our hearts or wanting to test our resolve in what we have already seen of his will; do we believe him, that he will do it? that He will keep his Word? His purposes must be accomplished in these times and we must be firm within ourselves to not entertain and believe doubt. who are we to question God?
this is just the process i am in, so, i may not have the theology down pat on what is going on. i sense a lack of understanding on my part as to why this is happening, i feel confused, but i want to trust my Maker. i want to go the wisest way and i do believe that
HE is taking me the wisest way.
so far my response has been just asking God to keep my heart pure and to keep me focused on His beautiful face and love. i don't want to lose my thankful heart because of this strange time. i don't want to become embittered.
so, as i wade through this, i am open to all God wants to teach me. if i don't remain open in this then i will miss the lessons and God will have to bring me back here again because i missed the lessons. think of Israel wandering in the desert; they missed the lessons again and again. i don't want to be like the Israelite's.
i want an open heart; i want eyes to see and ears to hear what the Spirit is saying.
has anyone else experienced this recently, like, out of nowhere?
i think a tactic of the enemy here is to throw us off track, for us to panic. for us to just suddenly feel a lack of vision or knowledge of what we are doing, we can become unproductive people. but we must keep seeking God, keep our eyes fixed, our hope always on the unseen.
if this is the hand of God doing this he is either re-directing something within our hearts or wanting to test our resolve in what we have already seen of his will; do we believe him, that he will do it? that He will keep his Word? His purposes must be accomplished in these times and we must be firm within ourselves to not entertain and believe doubt. who are we to question God?
this is just the process i am in, so, i may not have the theology down pat on what is going on. i sense a lack of understanding on my part as to why this is happening, i feel confused, but i want to trust my Maker. i want to go the wisest way and i do believe that
Thursday, February 9, 2012
"I want to keep company with you..."
some realizations of late are that i have not led a 'normal life' since the accident, which was 17 months ago now.
i was floored when i actually took the time to think about how much time had passed since august of 2010. i have not worked since then, was part of an internship last year, got married, bought a house, did a little bit of traveling, wrote songs here and there, started running again on and off but that's really about it. these realizations have been saddening to me, the fact that i really was down and out for quite a long time. 17 months, in my mind, as a 26 year old woman, is a long time.
what people may not realize is that a life altering accident is actually just that, life altering. i have not been the same since the accident. (don't worry, this post won't be depressing...i promise!)
the implications of being 'down and out' as i call it, are that i have only been semi-invested in all of life, if at all. i have only half- lived and there are reasons why i can honestly say this and it's not all that connected to unemployment, although that certainly has its challenges.
i have not been open to lots of things from friendships to participating on sunday mornings to learning how to cook to keeping to a regular laundry schedule. well, i have been open but unable to go after anything with my all; i have literally struggled in every single area of life. there have been plenty of sunday mornings where i have not wanted to go to Church at all, and for me, that's saying something. i won't get in to the depths of the depression and anxiety i have faced; just know that i went through the most trying time in my entire life after the accident and that's also saying something...i'm a cancer survivor and have been healed of disease. let's put it this way: i am no stranger to suffering.
God's grace is something i am no stranger to, either.
throughout this process, i have longed to have something to bring to God, but i have had nothing to bring; no talent, no accomplished to do lists, no deep and thriving friendships, no races run, no hours on the piano. nothing.
but my heart.
all i have had to bring to God has been my heart; my heart full of questions, full of pain, full of disappointments, full of dreams i have been afraid to dream.
even so, God took what i had to offer to him, a stripped down version, a broken and messy version of bethany belisa. He took my heart and did not let go.
my favorite thing about this season is that i get to say i kept company with God. that's a fancy way of saying we hung out...all the time. it is something i heard him whisper to me when my bones were broken and healing; i would hear him say, "i want to keep company with you, my dear." and He would. i knew He was right there and wasn't going anywhere. my body needed lots of rest and in this i truly learned what it is to be content in all things. this is the 'secret' paul said he learned; now i know it too;)
i am a former busy-body. God has saved me from myself. He took the accident and used it for good and accomplished many things in me. i am grateful for this season, even though it's been longer and harder than i imagined it would be. but how can we truly know something until we have gone through it ourselves?
"He changes times and seasons..." Daniel 2:21
bethany belisa
i was floored when i actually took the time to think about how much time had passed since august of 2010. i have not worked since then, was part of an internship last year, got married, bought a house, did a little bit of traveling, wrote songs here and there, started running again on and off but that's really about it. these realizations have been saddening to me, the fact that i really was down and out for quite a long time. 17 months, in my mind, as a 26 year old woman, is a long time.
what people may not realize is that a life altering accident is actually just that, life altering. i have not been the same since the accident. (don't worry, this post won't be depressing...i promise!)
the implications of being 'down and out' as i call it, are that i have only been semi-invested in all of life, if at all. i have only half- lived and there are reasons why i can honestly say this and it's not all that connected to unemployment, although that certainly has its challenges.
i have not been open to lots of things from friendships to participating on sunday mornings to learning how to cook to keeping to a regular laundry schedule. well, i have been open but unable to go after anything with my all; i have literally struggled in every single area of life. there have been plenty of sunday mornings where i have not wanted to go to Church at all, and for me, that's saying something. i won't get in to the depths of the depression and anxiety i have faced; just know that i went through the most trying time in my entire life after the accident and that's also saying something...i'm a cancer survivor and have been healed of disease. let's put it this way: i am no stranger to suffering.
God's grace is something i am no stranger to, either.
throughout this process, i have longed to have something to bring to God, but i have had nothing to bring; no talent, no accomplished to do lists, no deep and thriving friendships, no races run, no hours on the piano. nothing.
but my heart.
all i have had to bring to God has been my heart; my heart full of questions, full of pain, full of disappointments, full of dreams i have been afraid to dream.
even so, God took what i had to offer to him, a stripped down version, a broken and messy version of bethany belisa. He took my heart and did not let go.
my favorite thing about this season is that i get to say i kept company with God. that's a fancy way of saying we hung out...all the time. it is something i heard him whisper to me when my bones were broken and healing; i would hear him say, "i want to keep company with you, my dear." and He would. i knew He was right there and wasn't going anywhere. my body needed lots of rest and in this i truly learned what it is to be content in all things. this is the 'secret' paul said he learned; now i know it too;)
i am a former busy-body. God has saved me from myself. He took the accident and used it for good and accomplished many things in me. i am grateful for this season, even though it's been longer and harder than i imagined it would be. but how can we truly know something until we have gone through it ourselves?
"He changes times and seasons..." Daniel 2:21
bethany belisa
Friday, January 27, 2012
words from me to you.
so, i over complicate things in my head on a regular basis. and in line with this trend i have over complicated blogging over these last 6-8 months since God began to speak to me about writing pretty consistently and taking this here blog more seriously.
some of my thoughts that i had that made this way too complicated were:
1. i'll have to take a writing class and get really serious about grammar and proper usage of the english language. i need to get serious. (i know, right?) i love school and i love to learn, but that's not my point here.
2. if i don't do the above(thought number 1) i will face criticism of all kinds and i don't want to volunteer to be ripped apart.
3. i have to really know my stuff(topics i write about) if i am going to be a writer. and people that really know their stuff will put me in my place if i don't. here's the thing, i just really love accuracy and i respect those who are accurate, those who 'know their stuff'. knowledge impresses me. but that's one of the very things that has kept me so bound up, unable to write and it is pretty much based in fear of man if i am honest with myself, honest with God and now, with all of you.
4. the blog-a-sphere ( i really hope this is a word i made up! i just started calling this whole blog world the 'blog-a-sphere' last week! i'm totally cool if i didn't make it up though...) is a phenomenon to me, the entire concept. i mean, think about it; the entire world can be influenced and impacted through a BOX! (i know, i know, television and radio have been around for ages. but this is different. bear with me as i unpack this.)
i feel a huge weight when it comes to blogging. and i know that it is right for me to feel this. what i am getting at is the power of the written word; when someone, a person is tucked up with or zoned in to the words that another person has written. there is something really powerful and sobering about this entire idea: books ( all kinds) written by human hands, typed up with such care, the raw stuff of our humanness coming through on a page, the genius of the human intellect, the passion of the human soul and the reasons that drive people to pick up these books, any book, and read through these pages, I mean, they are pretty profound reasons.
they are wanting to connect with another human soul, they are wanting to expand their knowledge and/or experience and a very profound thing occurs when this exchange begins: the reader opens up himself to be effected. i mean, that's why we read anything, right? that's why we have text books, to add knowledge passed down that others have discovered. novels, it is an experience that can expand your imagination and grip your heart and cause you to feel so alive and connected to the characters; the plot becomes your plot. it's intense! self help books and spiritual growth books; the same reasons are their behind every purchase of this kind: to grow and change as a person, to somehow better your life with what you are about to read. there is an expectation. even poetry, hallmark cards, and personal letters all convey human emotion to another human, it is an attempt to speak to someone, straight to someone in a particular place.
(or it is an expression of the deepest part of the soul, maybe written privately without the intentions of future publication, ie, the shadow of the almighty by elizabeth elliot in which she published journal entries and letters from her late husband jim elliot; his words were compelling, full of conviction and i just knew he had a dynamic life in God by reading the words from his very journal. that book changed my life!)
there is something very exciting, almost thrilling, about reading in all of this as well. reading ADDS to the reader. when we read, we are ADDED to.
(by the way, i have not even mentioned the Bible yet!)
okay, i've talked about books, poetry, etc. blogging is that much more personal in my mind. i love getting lost for a good hour or two reading what my friends have written. there is an exhilaration i feel when it comes to keeping up with my friends lives. i love it. but then i also spend time on the pages of COMPLETE STRANGERS! this is where blogging trips me up; it is so far reaching! it can be so influential! and universal! it's used for everything; an emotional outlet, a social arena, a D-I-Y forum, ministries have them, people in ministry have them, authors have them. it is all so bizarre. i mean, people with a bazillion hits are like famous in my mind in the blog-a-sphere; it is a world of potential.
the truth is that in all of my over-thinking of this whole process, i believe i have learned a lot. and i believe God wants to use me and that pretty much trumps my excuses not to do this.
i hope you are envisioned for things in your pursuits in writing as well. let's step out together.
bethany belisa
some of my thoughts that i had that made this way too complicated were:
1. i'll have to take a writing class and get really serious about grammar and proper usage of the english language. i need to get serious. (i know, right?) i love school and i love to learn, but that's not my point here.2. if i don't do the above(thought number 1) i will face criticism of all kinds and i don't want to volunteer to be ripped apart.
3. i have to really know my stuff(topics i write about) if i am going to be a writer. and people that really know their stuff will put me in my place if i don't. here's the thing, i just really love accuracy and i respect those who are accurate, those who 'know their stuff'. knowledge impresses me. but that's one of the very things that has kept me so bound up, unable to write and it is pretty much based in fear of man if i am honest with myself, honest with God and now, with all of you.
4. the blog-a-sphere ( i really hope this is a word i made up! i just started calling this whole blog world the 'blog-a-sphere' last week! i'm totally cool if i didn't make it up though...) is a phenomenon to me, the entire concept. i mean, think about it; the entire world can be influenced and impacted through a BOX! (i know, i know, television and radio have been around for ages. but this is different. bear with me as i unpack this.)
i feel a huge weight when it comes to blogging. and i know that it is right for me to feel this. what i am getting at is the power of the written word; when someone, a person is tucked up with or zoned in to the words that another person has written. there is something really powerful and sobering about this entire idea: books ( all kinds) written by human hands, typed up with such care, the raw stuff of our humanness coming through on a page, the genius of the human intellect, the passion of the human soul and the reasons that drive people to pick up these books, any book, and read through these pages, I mean, they are pretty profound reasons.
they are wanting to connect with another human soul, they are wanting to expand their knowledge and/or experience and a very profound thing occurs when this exchange begins: the reader opens up himself to be effected. i mean, that's why we read anything, right? that's why we have text books, to add knowledge passed down that others have discovered. novels, it is an experience that can expand your imagination and grip your heart and cause you to feel so alive and connected to the characters; the plot becomes your plot. it's intense! self help books and spiritual growth books; the same reasons are their behind every purchase of this kind: to grow and change as a person, to somehow better your life with what you are about to read. there is an expectation. even poetry, hallmark cards, and personal letters all convey human emotion to another human, it is an attempt to speak to someone, straight to someone in a particular place.
there is something very exciting, almost thrilling, about reading in all of this as well. reading ADDS to the reader. when we read, we are ADDED to.
(by the way, i have not even mentioned the Bible yet!)
okay, i've talked about books, poetry, etc. blogging is that much more personal in my mind. i love getting lost for a good hour or two reading what my friends have written. there is an exhilaration i feel when it comes to keeping up with my friends lives. i love it. but then i also spend time on the pages of COMPLETE STRANGERS! this is where blogging trips me up; it is so far reaching! it can be so influential! and universal! it's used for everything; an emotional outlet, a social arena, a D-I-Y forum, ministries have them, people in ministry have them, authors have them. it is all so bizarre. i mean, people with a bazillion hits are like famous in my mind in the blog-a-sphere; it is a world of potential.
the truth is that in all of my over-thinking of this whole process, i believe i have learned a lot. and i believe God wants to use me and that pretty much trumps my excuses not to do this.
i hope you are envisioned for things in your pursuits in writing as well. let's step out together.
bethany belisa
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
All things new, all things new.
So, this is my first true holiday season as a married woman; very exciting stuff! Everything changes with time and new traditions form. I am so looking forward to making those with my best friend whom I am honored to call my husband.
This week we are re-doing our kitchen. Matt's parents flew in from the UK and arrived with us around 9pm and we enjoyed an evening laughing and receiving a few 'confectional gifts' (English chocolate), as Jeremy calls them. :) He talks so quickly and has a pretty thick English accent, so I have to pay close attention or I won't understand a thing he says!
I am truly enjoying this process of creating 'new' traditions. We don't really have any established yet, however, the dreaming aspect and the discovery aspect leave me feeling exceedingly hopeful and expectant of a wonderful life in God; a life rich in love and full of joy. In it all I cannot help but be stirred in the depths to such gratitude at the truth of God, that as He writes me in to this story on the Earth, He makes all things new. As I get the privilege of walking out this life the theme will continue: HE MAKES ALL THINGS NEW!
And I am living my life with these little glimpses, little parallels like 'new traditions', that speak of the mystery and also of the knowledge of God in ways that I will be searching out for the entirety of my life.
All things new, all things new.
Friday, August 12, 2011
peace and safety.
this is a song God gave me back in October, or, i gave it to God back in October, as soon as i could sit back at the piano and plunk out a few notes with my recovering arms, hand and wrist. what a crazy season of life!
You're leading me straight from here
so I will trust Your heart
as You take me by the hand
i know the healing starts
in this place of surrender
of laying down all my life
i'm leaving it all behind for You
Chorus:
i find a peace that only You can offer
a safety that is not of this world
You are my refuge, my rock to stand upon
unshakable, i know i will not be moved
this work You began in me
You will see it through
Holy Spirit, lead and guide
do what You love to do
in this place of surrender
what else can i decide?
i'm leaving it all behind for you
i find a peace that only You can offer
a safety that is not of this world
You are my refuge, my rock to stand upon
unshakable, i know i will not be moved
i choose to live
to be made holy,
to seek You only
i choose to live
to please You
to bless Your heart
i find a peace that only You can offer
a safety that is not of this world
You are my refuge, my rock to stand upon
unshakable, i know i will not be moved
amen! it's truth i now stand on with even more clarity than i had when i wrote this song. i love how God proves himself time and again.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
almost one year since the accident. an entry from streams in the desert daily devotional.
i was led to read today's entry from a book my great grandma gave me years ago before she passed away. i used to read it everyday, and probably have gone through it a handful of times, year after year after great grandma milly gave it to me when i was a teenager.
today's entry spoke to me so loudly, and spoke to me so clearly as i read. i have been unpacking the crazy year i have had just these last few weeks(there really is a lot to sift through...) and i am realizing, yet again, the importance of praise and thankfulness. i am convicted that I must OWN my testimony, i must walk in the assurance of God's protection of my life, of Him being my keeper, of Him working all things for my good because i do, i do, i do love Him. i must claim these truths for myself and walk confidently in them knowing i am His and He is mine. oh, how wonderful!
it's funny, not funny ha ha, but very interesting to me that today's entry talkes about Jesus communicating with the Father about his dear friend lazarus. this passage is dear to me, it always has been because it happens in Bethany, which is my name, a city near Jerusalem. but it is even dearer to me now as i have been thinking so much about life and death as i approach my one year anniversay of the car accident that could have been fatal and indeed, has changed my life.
there is a lot to sift through.
anywho, here is the entry from today. :)
“And Jesus lifted up his eyes, and said, Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me” (John 11:41).
This is a very strange and unusual order. Lazarus is still in the grave, and the thanksgiving precedes the miracle of resurrection. I thought that the thanksgiving would have risen when the great deed had been wrought, and Lazarus was restored to life again. But Jesus gives thanks for what He is about to receive. The gratitude breaks forth before the bounty has arrived, in the assurance that it is certainly on the way. The song of victory is sung before the battle has been fought. It is the sower who is singing the song of the harvest home. It is thanksgiving before the miracle!
Who thinks of announcing a victory-psalm when the crusaders are just starting out for the field? Where can we hear the grateful song for the answer which has not yet been received? And after all, there is nothing strange or forced, or unreasonable in the Master’s order. Praise is really the most vital preparatory ministry to the working of the miracles. Miracles are wrought by spiritual power. Spiritual power is always proportioned to our faith.–Dr. Jowett
PRAISE CHANGES THINGS
Nothing so pleases God in connection with our prayer as our praise, and nothing so blesses the man who prays as the praise which he offers. I got a great blessing once in China in this connection. I had received bad and sad news from home, and deep shadows had covered my soul. I prayed, but the darkness did not vanish. I summoned myself to endure, but the darkness only deepened. Just then I went to an inland station and saw on the wall of the mission home these words: “Try Thanksgiving.” I did, and in a moment every shadow was gone, not to return. Yes, the Psalmist was right, “It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord.”–Rev. Henry W. Frost
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
comfortable with being responsible.
i wrote this on may 10, thought i'd post it. i updated it as well.
a few months ago i was saying that i was very nervous about owning things, anything, from a lap top to a car to a house; owning anything made me anxious because of the responsability required to maintain the things we own in this life.
it's all really silly to me now because we don't 'own' anything this side of heaven; everything is on loan to us from our talents to our houses to our clothing. it is on loan to us.
i am currently typing on a new laptop that i now own; that requires anti viral protection and updates, etc. ( i know nothing about computers!!! matt's good for that kind of thing;))
my fiance, matt, and i currently put an offer on a house and it was accepted. that is a big responsability.
we are car hunting; cars are in need always.
we will be exchanging our marriage vows on june 12, just a few weeks away now, and that in itself propells us in to an entire new realm of responsability. we will be responsible to pray for each other, to love eachother unconditionally, to be a source of grace towards each other.
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so, we are nearly two months in to this whole new realm i was nervous about. it is wonderful. it is never ending, full of constant maintenance. i love that i do not have to do this life on my own, that God's design is togetherness, not just in marriage but in the Kingdom. i love His heart towards us, how he brings us in to a family and makes seeking Him real, tangible, a blessing to all. He is not impossible to please, far off, summoning us to do impossible things. no, He is very near, very near, indeed. and He helps us.
thank the Lord.
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