Monday, July 28, 2008

though i walk through the valley...

'sometimes God makes things seem hard to shake us out of our complacency.'

that's what ben told me last week over the phone. this season has been so good and produced so much fruit. i have learned much about myself and my calling and how to reach out and grab hold of God and all that He has for me. i have learned that His ways are not my ways. breakthrough has happened in almost every area of my life. the Holy Spirit permeates and fills and brings to life every facet of day to day living. yes, even the monotonous work that can make us groan in dissatisfaction for something more...even this is for a purpose. it is to refine us and make us more like Him. in all things i have learned to say, 'my character needs this. this is absolutely necessary for growth to happen. and this is exactly what grace is for.' grace covers everything and enables us to face the daily grind with joy and a victorious spirit.

progress can seem slow but it is the little decisions of daily life that prepare us for the big decisions that are 'life altering', the big decisions where our devotion is tested and our obedience level stretched and strengthened. in this sense, the little decisions are just as important if not more important than the major decisions:)

i am in a transition, a decision making process and sometimes confused by circumstance. but the Lord is faithful and sovereign to reveal all things in His timing, which is perfect. i could not want anything else than His will His way. if only i could be a little more enthusiastic as i type those words. His will His way.

the decision i am faced with is moving. yea. that's right. moving. leaving illinois. lake county. torch. my family. my jobs. everything i have ever known and ever called home and that fills most of the memories i have formed in this lifetime so far. uprooting. that's what i would be doing. leaving it all behind. i know that that doesn't mean i would lose touch with people altogether. i can still be connected with my family and friends here. but it all changes. it will never go back to how it was, how its been. even this summer has been a weird season of just nothing...nothing as far as being here at home besides work, a few social events, and leading a few times at torch. it's been really rich with the Lord. really rich with ben. most of my time has been spent working and talking on the phone with ben or just being with him when i can. most else has been rather desert like.

ben gave me this analogy last week of a potted plant. a potted plant can only grow so much in the confines of the pot it is in. the roots get cramped the longer they are in that pot. the plant cannot grow any further because it's roots are stifled. the plant has done all the growing it can to in that pot. and it was good for the time of growth that took place while the plant was in the pot, but now it needs to be trans-planted into a bigger pot or a garden where it's roots can grow deep and it get get the nourishment that it needs to thrive and become it's greatest and best version of the plant it could ever be.

ben told me that i am like that potted plant.that where i am in life and as a woman is ready to be planted in a place where my roots can go deep and i can thrive. that i have done about all the growing that i will do here. my roots are pressed against the confines of the walls that are boxing me in...and i do sense it, a suffocating feeling the longer i am here. he, too, senses a change coming for himself. specifically, that our roots need to be planted together so that they can intertwine and grow together in the same place. we need to be in a place where we can share life together to continue growing up into all things in Christ.

another thing i need to do is let go of the way things have always been and embrace the NEW. God makes all things new and life is all about change, always changing and becoming more like Christ. i must not allow any fear to hinder what lies ahead because the Lord goes before me.

this is a weird place to be, that thresh hold of a major change and at this very moment it feels as though this change is closer than i think. i am not in a hurry to go. i am waiting on the Lord. at this point it's when He says 'go', i will go. and i am just realizing that He could say go much sooner than i am anticipating. and i am His bond slave, His love slave and i will go where He sends me. you better believe it! and of course, i am thrilled because that means embarking into this life with ben, the man i Love, the man God has brought to me, the best gift He has ever given to me. it is with ben by my side that i know i will be able to fulfill my destiny for the Kingdom and i will also help ben fulfill his destiny. that's huge. it's exciting! it's...what i want.

i just spent four days with ben and our time together was so powerful. it was anointed and of the Lord. we worshiped and prayed and smashed through the schemes that the enemy tried to prop up against us. we i can see that the Lord is preparing my way, He is going before me to ohio and making my path. He is setting everything up for ben and i to be together soon. He is even doing a really good job at making sure that we are trusting Him completely because things are tight with money. it would be so tempting to wonder how this is going to happen and when. but that is up to Him. all i can do today is obey and be faithful with what is in front of me. all that i can do is trust radically that my God is big and none of this stuff phases Him at all. this is a faith test.

proverbs 3:5 and 6

trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

that's all i need to say for now.

wanting His will, His way,

Bethany Belisa~

Friday, July 18, 2008

a night at the theater...the night i 'got all weird'.

i went to the movies last night semi excited to see dark night, this batman flick that has been raved about for sometime now. there was an unbelievable crowd of people who went out to see the midnight showing. it's so interesting how the night went for me. i left longing for the Lord God Almighty as parched land longs for the rain!

this was a family occasion and everyone was excited about it. i don't watch television much at all, so i had never even seen a preview for this movie and didn't know how dark dark night actually was going to be. two hours into the movie i left the theater. i felt so much evil in that place so i left to journal, pray and listen to worship music. the result is what i am about to write in this blog. you can call this my soap box if you like. i call it conviction, just wanting more of Him than anything this world has to offer.

i started thinking about heath ledger. he is no longer here on this earth and i could just sense demonic strongholds on the charactecter of the joker. i wonder if him playing that role had anything to do with his premature death, his suicide at such a young age. it certainly could not have helped matters if you ask me...

here is what i wrote last night on a piece of scratch paper that i had as a book mark. it's intense and raw. not edited...just my heart on the matter. God is birthing in me such a devotion to the pursuit of the holy and eternal. i am becoming less and less tolerant of the world and its ways. more and more aware of the enemy and His schemes.

even Christians are stepping up to get the stamp of the enemy.their eyes are veiled , they are deceived by demons parading around as angels of light. in fear, living more in the natural, fleshly man, they drink whatever cup the enemy has put in front of them. they drink poison, and little by little, noticing the taste at first to be detestable and unatural, not good, they intake and with every gulp become accustomed to this polluted counterfeit for living water. their thirst only increases as they consume liquid death. each time they crave and drink this elixer, it promises something it was never intended to deliver and can never deliver-life to the full. many even teach their children to tolerate and accept the ways of the world. we are so complacent and it is a deadly thing.

much like pop, or carbinated death ( a nick name i have given it, although my weakness is diet coke with lemon:)), the more we intake into out bodies the more dehydrated we become. pop has the opposite affect of water and to compensate we need twice as much water than pop. it leaves our body with less than we are persuaded to believe it intends to do. this is the affect i see the media having on our world and on the Church, the Bride of Christ.

look at Christ. He drank the cup of His Father-the cup of suffering appears to end in death only to be proven against all hope to end in eternal glory! i will drink this cup. Christ is called the Fountain of Living Water and He promises to those who would come and drink, that they would never thirst again. in Jeremiah, Israel is destroyed in judgement for hewing for themselves cisterns that hold no water and forsaking the Fountain of Living Water. and in the book of Revelation we see that two kinds of water cannot come from the same source.

and yet we swallow the Word and then swollow alchohol. we swallow an intimate worship encounter, precious communion with the Holy One and then swallow hell through the television screen or coming through the radio feed in our car. we are drinking from two different sources. and this being true, how can our own inner source be pure? how can our outpoor be of Living Water is we are diluting it with anti-truths?

i will drink the cup of my Father. i will consider Christ who for the joy set before Him endured the cross. the joy of partaking in my King's sufferings is nearly overbearing let alone knowing that i will dwell with Him for all eternity!

i will not drink the cup offered to me by the enemy for i wage war not against flesh and blood but against principalities. i will walk in the Spirit so as to not fulfill the desires of the flesh which builds up the wrong kingdom entirely. sow in the flesh, reap in the flesh. that is a serious verse. it is coupled with sow in the Spirit, reap in the Spirit. i want to build into the right Kingdom; my King's Kingdom!

so when i sit down to watch a movie or listen to music, i must have the mindset that it is not just a movie and it is not just music. demons prey on those being entertained. nothing is as it seems. it is not just a movie, just music, just a drink, just pornography, just masterbation, just words or course jokes, just the internet, just money, just a designer bag. there are powers behind every object, every action. these powers are vying to steal out attention. to distract. and we are distracted so easily. the enemy has been using the same tricks for all of time only now they are more prevelant, more demanding, more subject to our everything thought and action. we as a people are more distracted than we have ever been.

1 peter 2:11

i urge you as beloved brethren and aliens to this world, abstain from fleshly lusts which rage war against the soul.

peter knew that there is more to life than the naked eye would allow us to see. we are supposed to be different and change things!

2 corinthians 4: 18

while we look not to the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things that are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

other lovers, lesser lovers. whatever our weakness lends itself to, we don't fight it but surrender to it. our weaknesses are making the call on what we worship. what we fix our gaze upon. what we spend out time on, and time is our most precious gift! this result is bondage to the enemy and his minions. this can happen and does happen even while we bear the name of Christ. we have yet to see the battle that is at hand or the urgency of the hour.

Christ is coming and we are stuck. will we not let Him do the very thing He came to do? will we not let Him free us? will we not be for our King? for His Kingdom?

it is time to get fierce about these things, O Bride of Christ! they may seem trite but that is where the scheming begins, when we see something through the lense of the world and not as we ought to see, through the lense of God. we must weigh our decisions with the Word which is living and active and able to pierce the hearts of men. we must as God for His judgements. we must ask God for His correction and for His pure heart. We must train ourselves to Love what He Loves and hate what He hates. we must hate our sin.

let us run in such a way that we will not be disqaulified.


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Hello Lovelies!

i have been a dedicated advocate and user of xanga for the last six years. this new blog is strange yet liberating. it got to a point where is found little joy of writing on xanga anymore, not sure if this was because it was all too familiar territory and audiance, or what exactly. whatever it was, my inspiration to write publicaly fizzled and went out almost completely. now, however, there are so many changes that i find myself wanting to record in the written word and share with other human hearts so here is the decided avenue.

enjoy! feel free to leave any desired feedback and i will gladly do the same for you.