'sometimes God makes things seem hard to shake us out of our complacency.'
that's what ben told me last week over the phone. this season has been so good and produced so much fruit. i have learned much about myself and my calling and how to reach out and grab hold of God and all that He has for me. i have learned that His ways are not my ways. breakthrough has happened in almost every area of my life. the Holy Spirit permeates and fills and brings to life every facet of day to day living. yes, even the monotonous work that can make us groan in dissatisfaction for something more...even this is for a purpose. it is to refine us and make us more like Him. in all things i have learned to say, 'my character needs this. this is absolutely necessary for growth to happen. and this is exactly what grace is for.' grace covers everything and enables us to face the daily grind with joy and a victorious spirit.
progress can seem slow but it is the little decisions of daily life that prepare us for the big decisions that are 'life altering', the big decisions where our devotion is tested and our obedience level stretched and strengthened. in this sense, the little decisions are just as important if not more important than the major decisions:)
i am in a transition, a decision making process and sometimes confused by circumstance. but the Lord is faithful and sovereign to reveal all things in His timing, which is perfect. i could not want anything else than His will His way. if only i could be a little more enthusiastic as i type those words. His will His way.
the decision i am faced with is moving. yea. that's right. moving. leaving illinois. lake county. torch. my family. my jobs. everything i have ever known and ever called home and that fills most of the memories i have formed in this lifetime so far. uprooting. that's what i would be doing. leaving it all behind. i know that that doesn't mean i would lose touch with people altogether. i can still be connected with my family and friends here. but it all changes. it will never go back to how it was, how its been. even this summer has been a weird season of just nothing...nothing as far as being here at home besides work, a few social events, and leading a few times at torch. it's been really rich with the Lord. really rich with ben. most of my time has been spent working and talking on the phone with ben or just being with him when i can. most else has been rather desert like.
ben gave me this analogy last week of a potted plant. a potted plant can only grow so much in the confines of the pot it is in. the roots get cramped the longer they are in that pot. the plant cannot grow any further because it's roots are stifled. the plant has done all the growing it can to in that pot. and it was good for the time of growth that took place while the plant was in the pot, but now it needs to be trans-planted into a bigger pot or a garden where it's roots can grow deep and it get get the nourishment that it needs to thrive and become it's greatest and best version of the plant it could ever be.
ben told me that i am like that potted plant.that where i am in life and as a woman is ready to be planted in a place where my roots can go deep and i can thrive. that i have done about all the growing that i will do here. my roots are pressed against the confines of the walls that are boxing me in...and i do sense it, a suffocating feeling the longer i am here. he, too, senses a change coming for himself. specifically, that our roots need to be planted together so that they can intertwine and grow together in the same place. we need to be in a place where we can share life together to continue growing up into all things in Christ.
another thing i need to do is let go of the way things have always been and embrace the NEW. God makes all things new and life is all about change, always changing and becoming more like Christ. i must not allow any fear to hinder what lies ahead because the Lord goes before me.
this is a weird place to be, that thresh hold of a major change and at this very moment it feels as though this change is closer than i think. i am not in a hurry to go. i am waiting on the Lord. at this point it's when He says 'go', i will go. and i am just realizing that He could say go much sooner than i am anticipating. and i am His bond slave, His love slave and i will go where He sends me. you better believe it! and of course, i am thrilled because that means embarking into this life with ben, the man i Love, the man God has brought to me, the best gift He has ever given to me. it is with ben by my side that i know i will be able to fulfill my destiny for the Kingdom and i will also help ben fulfill his destiny. that's huge. it's exciting! it's...what i want.
i just spent four days with ben and our time together was so powerful. it was anointed and of the Lord. we worshiped and prayed and smashed through the schemes that the enemy tried to prop up against us. we i can see that the Lord is preparing my way, He is going before me to ohio and making my path. He is setting everything up for ben and i to be together soon. He is even doing a really good job at making sure that we are trusting Him completely because things are tight with money. it would be so tempting to wonder how this is going to happen and when. but that is up to Him. all i can do today is obey and be faithful with what is in front of me. all that i can do is trust radically that my God is big and none of this stuff phases Him at all. this is a faith test.
proverbs 3:5 and 6
trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.
that's all i need to say for now.
wanting His will, His way,
Bethany Belisa~
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