i feel a love for her. there is a change in myself that i am noticing more and more lately. as i pick up on things that are harmful to the people of God, whether from persecution or from within the Body, things that cause division are breaking my heart in a different way than they have done in the past. in the past i have longed for quick justice to come on whoever was causing the harm. i wouldn't mind to be the one to administer justice and i didn't care very much if i was helpful or confronted the person/people in love.
now i am very concerned for the person/people that are causing harm. i feel a need to pray and think very carefully before i open my mouth, before i speak up. i want my motives to be right, i want to know i have the heart of God in what i am thinking and mostly, i want the humility of Jesus and teach-ability as i move forward knowing that i, also, only see in part. it's just so different to how i used to handle things of this nature.
going to the Living Light marriage conference this past weekend was just incredible. i believe in the power of God within us and that that is the true hope for change. we cannot change our marriages; we can change ourselves. Christ within us is our hope of glory. He is our hope for a glorious marriage. i really do long for a God-glorifying marriage. i believe for it as well, which is the key. this is about our faith and our faith really rests on what we think. our belief is all wrapped up in how we think and to change behavior, we have to get to the root of our behavior, our thoughts.
i feel so challenged and humbled by this and ready to change. and i am starting to see these little changes, which, in the scheme of my life, are a big deal! i can see that these ways i have changed that may seem 'little' were once all wrapped up in me believing the wrong thing about God, myself or Christianity! NO MORE STINKIN' THINKIN'! (sorry, i couldn't resist...)
honestly, as i poor over God's Word i ask for new revelation, i ask to be led into all truth knowing that Christ in me, Holy Spirit will illuminate His truth and bring it to life within my heart and mind. and as i am given to these truths, i will be changed. also, i am coming to realize that the intimacy i have been crying out for for so long, the more of God that i have been aching for, the cries from my heart to Him for his voice to be more real to me, his presence more near, it is happening in my life right now.
and i am so grateful and humbled by God's faithfulness to me.
i serve a God who hears and a God who speaks.
this may seem disconnected, but to me, it is all connected. i am seeing that GOD is truly the author and perfecter of my faith and i am so encouraged that he is allowing me to see some of these changes in myself that HE has brought about in my life. and He is so patient with me! so, so patient! even when we have to go back around the mountain again because i missed the lesson he wanted me to get the first time. God is producing these desires within me to love better, in my marriage, in the Church and in the world. i have not made these changes; it has never been a matter of will power that taught me how to love better but God himself within me.
He is my hope of glory!