Thursday, November 19, 2009

assignment done by midnight. :)

hello. i really like being a student. i like having a million things to balance. i like being challenged every single day. i like learning. i just do.

and so, with being a student comes assignments and deadlines. those are such good things and are used to bring discipline to the everyday procrastinators out there. ;) i am not admitting to being one here, just so you know;)

so, this little blog entry contains an assignment that i just finished for a class i am in called 'Stewardship in Life' where we learn about loads of things, practical things, anything from mortgages to personal relationships to time management skill and goal keeping. it's good. so, this assignments was evaluating self and realizing how self things, like our tendencies, have an effect on our interactions with all people. this was a good way to assess loads in myself and i really felt compelled to share it all with all of you. basically there were options to choose from, whether we are in the performance trap, approval addicts, play the blame game or wear shame. there were principles and a scripture given with each one to see what the Word actually says about these certain tendencies in our make-up as people.

i am a combination of a perfectionist and people please-er, (it's obvious that this means at times i feel i have standards to meet and approval to gain in order to feel good about myself.)

the principle for perfectionism was this:

justification: justification means that God not only has forgiven me of my sins but also has granted me the righteousness of Christ. because of justification, i bear Christ's righteousness, and i am therefore fully pleasing to the Father.(Romans 5:1)

the principle for approval addicts was this:

Reconciliation: reconciliation means that although i was at one time hostile towards God and alienated from Him i am not forgiven and have been brought into an intimate relationship with Him. consequently, i am totally accepted by God (colossians 1:21-22)

here is what i ended up writing up:)

1. Identify your personality tendencies:

My tendency is to seek approval and have everyone like me. I am sensitive but can accept criticism, I usually invite it. I find it very difficult to say no, though. I hate letting people down and a lot of that has to do with what they will end up thinking about me rather than my concern for how they are effected. I think I am more important than I actually am. People do not actually think about me as much as I think they do. Also, I will sometimes have really unrealistic expectations of myself and fear of failure will keep me from taking risks to even attempt to achieve these expectations because I do not want to be perceived as a failure by anyone. So, in this way perfectionism sort of feeds me longing for approval.


2. How do your tendencies effect your friendships?

Fears will keep me from going deep in friendships that were actually meant for depth. Fear will keep me insecure and locked up instead of being vulnerable and building into people. My fears are all self-focused and selfish. They isolate me and keep me really self-oriented in my thoughts. I end up beating myself up, feeling super lonely and putting loads of pressure on myself. I will actually ignore people and forget to ask how they are doing when I am deeply discouraged. It’s awful!



3. Let God speak on how to grow.

I know how God wants me to live my life, investing in deep friendships, speaking prophetically into peoples lives and being real. Friendships are a powerful force that can push us forward in our walk with God and seeing the Kingdom brought to this earth. The Kingdom is all about relationship: God to man, man to God, man to each other. I need to accept how God designed all of this to be. I am actually to LOVE how He designed this to be and find complete goodness and freedom in His ways, His all wise ways.

I can live a relationally RICH life. I can have vision for people and speak life and truth. I can love with God’s love and as I get closer to God I will simultaneously grow in love for His people. This is a BEAUTIFUL design! I don’t have to fear man. I fear God; I let Him tell me who I am and where my security comes from. I know I will watch as the insecurities just shed like scales. And I will be free, yes, I will be free.


i hope this is helpful for some of you. there is so much freedom offered by our loving God! i love to share what He has done in me because He is sooo worthy of me declaring it! God is so GOOD!

-bethany belisa

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey Bethany... I just came across this and it was like reading my own notes. Thanks for the encouragement. I see your life and it is beautiful - there is hope for the approval addict/perfectionist after all. Love and miss ya!