i am feeling very stirred up today. last week was pretty hard for me to get through but i am feeling a renewed sense of freedom coming to my life and God is bringing definition to certain things.
i began to read another book all about being an introvert. i have struggled so much with who i am and why and i felt God speaking to me this weekend that he is taking me on a discovery process and has a lot to reveal to me about myself, things that i have never even known about myself and his intention for my life and my role or function in the earth.
i felt so overwhelmed that God wanted to speak to me about myself. i feel like i have not gone there with Him in such a long time; i've been so bitter and hard in heart for various reasons and the intimacy with God has just been lacking on my part. he has never left me but i have not always wanted to acknowledge that he was there. but why wouldn't God want to speak to me about myself?! He cares about every aspect of my life, every detail and he is sovereign over my life with such care. of course he has a lot to say about me and i ought to
incline my ear to listen.
a few months ago i remember crying out to God to explain to me why he made me the way that he did. i just did not see the benefit of being me, what his intention was in my life, how he wanted to use me, where i fit into my Church body or even my family. you see, the accident spiraled me into the biggest identity crises of my life.
i forgot about asking God to show me these things until last night. then it dawned on me that God is responding to my request, he heard my cry!
there are a few things i want to be sure to clarify: God is not speaking to me about myself to coddle my insecurities or make me feel better about myself; he is not responding to a pity party. He is wanting to speak clearly to me about where true security lies to set me free from the lies i have been believing about myself. God is a God who loves to prove himself and he is coming into my life right now in a deeper way to establish something into my character, to prove that his terms trump all earthly terms and i should listen to him over every other voice. God is more about instilling his character in to my heart than just making me feel better. and with that said, it's time for me to grow up.
i am expecting challenge and growth as God speaks to me. i am expecting gentleness, tender care and loving correction. i am eager for this process to get underway because i know it is good for me. God knows what is best for me.
this season is packed full of riches, i can just feel it. riches in God.